Making friends as an adult is hard but trying to reconnect with a friend after a falling out is even harder.
Where do you even start? What do you say?
1. Decide if you are ready to make up. The first step is to decide if you are even ready to reconnect with your friend. If you’re still angry or not yet willing to forget about whatever happened between you, then you’ll struggle in your attempt to reconcile. So, first reconcile the event within yourself.
2. Make the first move. You may not want to be the first one to make contact again or may fear rejection. However, they may welcome your approach, especially if it has been a long time since you have talked with each other.
- You may even want to write a hand-written letter if you want something more personal than a text.
3. Reconnect in person. It may seem easier just to send a text, but this may be a mistake. This is because this form of communication can be misinterpreted, which can make things even worse.
- When you meet in person, you can speak your mind and apologize if needed without any confusion occurring. Your sincerity will show in a face-to-face conversation. Your words are less likely to be misunderstood.
4. Talk about the issue early in the conversation. Once you both agree to a meeting, start off by addressing the issue that has come between you. It is pointless trying to avoid it as this is the whole point of meeting in the first place.
5. Own your part in the mishap. It would be easy to place the entire blame on your friend, but this won’t help you both reconnect. If you want to repair the damage to your friendship, accept some of the blame. This is the time for you to be the bigger person.
6. Find some common ground. You can help to reforge the bond of friendship by finding something that you can both talk about, or something you both want or share.
- For example, do you both have careers, or are both of you considering starting a family? These commonalities will increase the chances of your friend being willing to reconnect.
7. Decide what you both would like in the future. What do you want moving forward? Is this meeting a chance to rebuild the friendship you once had, or is it just a meeting for closure? Are you both interested in giving your friendship another chance?
8. Be patient and lower your expectations. If you both want to move forward with reconnecting, recognize that it may take a while before you can become best friends again. Sometimes people change and things might still be different than they were before the falling out.
- It’s important to let your friendship redevelop over time.
Good friends are hard to find, and sometimes it’s worth putting effort into reconnecting. If you’ve had a falling out with a friend, following this process can help to restart your friendship anew.