Falling in love can be blissful, but what happens when the feelings are only one-sided? Whether it’s a minor crush or a major passion, the initial longing can be thrilling, but you’re bound to wind up disappointed. Learn how to move on and find someone who will appreciate you.
Unrequited Love Tips for the Pursuer
There are plenty of sad songs about loving someone who doesn’t love you. The heartbreak comes in so many forms. Maybe you’re in the friend zone or your beloved doesn’t even know you exist. Maybe you’ve kept your crush to yourself or you’ve reached out and been rebuffed.
1. Look for patterns. One study found that 98% of adults have experienced unrequited love. It’s probably not a serious issue unless you’re only attracted to men and women who are unavailable or develop a new crush each week.
2. Build up your confidence. Focusing on your good qualities can help you avoid unsuitable relationships. It will also increase your chances of finding lasting love.
3. Manage stress. Tension can make you act impulsively. Your sudden fondness for a co-worker could be similar to excess eating or spending.
4. Limit contact. Creating some distance can reduce obsession. Stay away from your beloved’s Facebook page. Hang out at a different coffee shop so you don’t run into them each morning.
5. Cry it out. You may have all the emotions that go along with a breakup even if you haven’t had a single date. Acknowledge your sadness and give yourself time to heal.
6. Talk with a friend. Turn to friends who support and encourage you. Talking about what you’re going through will help you to sort out your thoughts and realize that you have options.
7. Mingle more. You’re more likely to be vulnerable to infatuation if you’re lonely. Try being more social. Join a running club or sign up for a Pilate’s class. Attend professional networking events or volunteer in your community.
8. Modify your expectations. Maybe a supermodel or movie star will want you for their soulmate. On the other hand, romance tends to be more sustainable when you pick partners whose backgrounds are similar to yours.
9. Consider therapy. Are you courting rejection because you’re reliving childhood experiences? Seeing a counselor may help you to put those issues to rest.
Unrequited Love Tips for the Pursued
While our sympathies usually go out to the pursuer, research suggests that the object of those affections have a rough time too. While it may be flattering to discover that someone thinks you’re attractive, that unwanted attention can soon become intrusive.
1. Be direct. It’s often difficult to tell someone you’re not interested in them because you want to spare their feelings. On the other hand, a tactful conversation can resolve the conflict more quickly.
2. Avoid mixed signals. You may be telling someone you like them as a friend, but they’re excited because you said their hair looks nice. Watch how your words could be interpreted if you sense someone wants more than a platonic connection.
3. Show compassion. You can wish someone well even if you need to limit contact with them. Eventually, most adults retain a soft spot for their old crushes so maybe you’ll wind up being friends again if you’re kind to each other.
4. Stay safe. Most crushes are harmless, but about 15% of women and 5% of men experience stalking. If you feel threatened, cut off any communication and contact the police.
You deserve a two-way relationship with someone who can love you back. Replace the fantasy of unrequited love with the reality of a healthy romance.